It's all in the Swagger Cane!
by Allied Hero
Summary: "If General Burkhalter wanted to find the Escape Center so much, he should just hire me. I could find it just like that!" Oh Klink, you have no idea...*COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**__ I created a new account on here to start afresh since so many of my stories on my old account never got finished and/or were an absolute excuse for writing. My old account was 'Justalittlehhfan'. Some of you may remember me, many of you won't. The point of telling you this was that some of you may remember reading this story and think I've just ripped it off the site and claimed it as my own. Nope. I was reading over all the stories I started and figured some just had to be finished. So here it is. And for once, I have the finish written as a second and final chapter so I don't have to worry about it later. Enjoy.  
_  
...

**Colonel Klink's POV:**

'Ah! Major Hochstetter! What a pleasure to see you!' I exclaimed in surprise as the Major came into my office. I had given strict orders to Schultz that I didn't want to be disturbed today! Papers from Berlin. No one has any idea! I feel like a broken record repeating the same line over and over whenever he or General Burkhalter comes into camp. But what am I gonna do about it? Tell them the truth? That they're two of the last people I want to see EVER and that if they'd actually leave me alone for a change, I might actually be able to run a Stalag properly?

I'd probably be shot.

So anyway, I pretended to look interested as the Major rambled on about 5 escapees from Stalag 7. What do I care? I'M not the kommandant of Stalag 7 so why does Major Hochstetter always have to tell ME these things? Then of course being Major Hochstetter, he kept insisting that Hogan and his men were running an escape centre under my watchful eye. Then of course, he also had to order a full search of every barrack and building in camp.

Typical! 'There goes another hour of my life', I thought.

'I have a feeling this will be very revealing Klink!' Hochstetter told me for the umpteenth time.

'Get out of my office, my Stalag, Germany and Europe for good measure', I thought. Of course I knew that wasn't going to happen and I had to deal with the Major's wrath once more. So I just gave him a meek smile, grabbed my swagger cane off my desk, popped my cap on and followed him outside towards barracks two.

...

**Hogan's POV:**

'Hochstetter just went into Klink's office G'vnor.' Newkirk said.

'I suddenly feel like a cup of coffee,' I replied, with a grin plastered on my face. 'Anyone else want some?' Sarcastic comments filled the room, and my men filed into my office. We were just in time to hear the gist of the conversation.  
_  
'...Save the bootlicking for General Burkhalter Klink!'_

_'Oh, me? Bootlicking? Why Major I was simply...yes sir, save the bootlicking for General Burkhalter.'_

_'Now Klink, are you aware that 5 men escaped from Stalag 7 on Wednesday?'_

_'Oh no Major. You see, I was busy filling out paperwork for Berlin. In fact, I'm still doing it now. There's so many papers to go through in such little time and-'_

_'Klink! I asked for an answer, not a fairy tale story! Now I'm convinced that there's an underground station set up in this very camp!'_

_'But Major Hochstetter, no one has ever escaped from Stalag 13!'_

_'Oh really? But how's your record of people getting INTO the camp? I want a full camp inspection of every barracks NOW.'_

_'Now?'_

_'NOW!'_

I unplugged the coffee pot.

'Alright, everybody out to the common area. Carter, watch the door.' I ordered. We all arranged ourselves as though we were there the whole time.

'Krauts coming! Klink, Hochstetter and a couple of guys who look like they're about to rip the place apart!' Carter exclaimed, from his post at the door.

'Kinch close the tunnel!' I said hurriedly, as I forgot it was still open. It closed just in time.

...

**Klink's POV:**

When we walked in, Hogan and his men seemed fairly relaxed. Corporal Newkirk and Sergeant Carter were on their bunks. Corporal LeBeau appeared to be making some coffee and Sergeant Kinchloe was sitting at the table. The other prisoners were either reading magazines they got from the Red Cross or resting on their bunks. Hogan had his leg up on the bench as per usual.

'Morning Kommandant. Major,' Hogan said, with a big grin on his face. 'How can we help you?'

'What the heck is he so happy about?' I thought. 'This man is insane. Who would be happy to see Gestapo?'

'I want this barracks ripped apart. If there were any tunnel in this camp, it would definitely start here!' The Major yelled at no one in particular. Suddenly, two Gestapo Sergeants that I hadn't even realised were behind us, barged into the room with knives and shovels. They began ripping through mattresses, much to the prisoners' dismay, and breaking through floorboards where the table once stood. Why would they even bother with the mattresses? What? The key to the tunnel might be in there or something? Unbelievable!

I looked nervously at Hogan who I noticed kept glancing towards the back of the room where one of the bunks stood. If he really had dug tunnels, he certainly didn't look scared of getting caught. I think I was more scared than him.

A few weeks ago, I became very suspicious of Hogan. I had come up with a plan to find an 'underground escape center', after General Burkhalter brought to my attention that he thought there was one around the area. The plan was to let Hogan and his men escape, then follow them to the escape center where I'd have my guards arrest everyone. But this and that happened, and before I knew it I was their hostage one moment, and back at camp the next.

But that wasn't the strange part. (though you might think so) Before everything had happened, I was telling Hogan and his men that 'if General Burkhalter wanted to find the escape center so much, he should just hire me to do the job. I could find it just like that!', while at the same time hitting the top of that same bunk with my swagger cane. Then Hogan and Kinchloe who were standing right behind me, were all of a sudden sitting on the bottom level of the bunk with cheesy grins plastered on their faces. Now why would they do that unless they were hiding something?

Luckily, Hochstetter's men didn't wonder too close to the bunk, and I saw Hogan's face relax a little when I turned around to close the barracks door behind me. After spending what seemed like eternity checking through all the barracks with the Major, Hochstetter swore 'he'd be back' and angrily left with his men.

Thank God it was over.

I strolled back to my office. But something kept nagging me in the back of my mind. I knew Hogan was hiding something. I had to find out what it was. So later that day, I organised for Hogan and the men in his barracks to fix 3 of our camp vehicles. They always seem to take forever anyway, so that should give me enough time to look through their barracks. When I told Hogan, I was surprised that he wasn't too happy about it. I mean, he's the one always volunteering to fix my staff car! Or insisting that it's broken! Anyway, I finally convinced him to fix the trucks if I gave barracks 2 white bread for one whole week.

It was a deal.

...

**Hogan's POV:**

'Why in the world is the Kommandant asking us to fix 3 of his camp vehicles tomorrow morning?' I asked my men, while sitting around the common area. 'And why everyone in the barracks? Why not just me, Kinch, Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau like usual?'

'Well that means everyone will be out of the room, Colonel,' Kinch said. 'He must need to do something in here without any one of us seeing.'

'Do you think he's installing another bug in your office and out here Mon Colonel?'

'Nah, Klink knows we find them too easily. I don't think he'd bother again.'

'Now 'ow 'bout this G'vnor; Klink actually might need his vehicles fixed? Did you ever consider that?' Newkirk asked sarcastically, obviously not wanting to get stuck in another one of my crazy plans again.

'Yeah, but three at once? Something's up, but I don't know what.'

I stood there thinking for a minute, racking my brain for an answer. But I couldn't come up with anything.

'Colonel - with Hochstetter sniffing around, what if Klink's trying to get points with him - ya know, find the tunnels?' Carter suggested.

'Are you kidding Carter? Klink would want to be the last person to find the thing!' I exclaimed at the crazy idea. 'We'd all be shot, and he'd be sent to the Russian Front instantly. Especially if Hochstetter were involved.'

'No no no - I think Carter has something there Mon Colonel. What it Klink wanted to find it so he could help us hide it?'

What LeBeau said made me think. It's possible. But still; wouldn't he just order for it to be filled with cement or something? Then have us restricted to barracks for ages or thrown in the cooler? Then again, the whole camp can't fit in there. I told my men what I was thinking.

'It's quite possible,' Kinch said. 'Either way, we'd need to get back into the barracks at some point during the day to catch him in the act.'

'Right. We could tell Schultz we're going to get more cleaning rags or something. Then make a detour to the barracks. Hopefully we'll be able to figure out the heck is going on.' I said, still deep in thought. Why would Klink suddenly be so interested in the tunnels? Then again, he seemed awfully nervous when those Gestapo goons were doing their search. What if he's just trying to save his own neck?

...

_(the next day)_

**Klink's POV:**

Well, this was it. The big day. The day I would find out what Hogan was hiding. Imagine; an entire underground operation right under my nose! Me - Wilhelm Klink. Then again, maybe Hogan had just been playing me for a fool this whole time. Suddenly a thought occurred to me - if I did find the so-called tunnels, what was I going to do about them? Order them to be filled with cement? Or would I just leave them? Leaving them would be treason towards the FatherLand. But I can't get myself transferred either. What to do?

I sat in my office watching the clock tick by. It seemed to take forever for the little hand to move. As the clock struck ten, I hesitated. But I knew this had to be done. It could save my life and that of the prisoners' too if I managed to convince them to fill the whole thing back up, no questions asked. Then again, I've never been good with words.

I eventually mounted up the courage to summon Schultz into the room. He waddled in and saluted. I do worry about that man sometimes.

'Sergeant Schultz reporting as requested sir!' he said.

'At ease. Now Schultz, I need you to round up all the men from barracks two and take them to the car pool area. There should be three trucks waiting. Did one of your men break the trucks in some way as requested?' I asked.

'Jawol Herr Kommandant,' Schultz replied. 'Truck number one; had its engine taken out. Truck number two; had its brakes sabotaged and truck number three; really needed repairing, so I - being the smart guard that I am - thought to myself; 'what if I slip that truck in instead of one that really isn't broken?' And the then the other guards-.'

'SCHULTZ!' I yelled, stopping him from continuing any further with his story. 'Just summon the prisoners and report back to me when you've done so! DISSSSMISSED!'

Schultz saluted and waddled back out the door.

I swear I need a vacation.

...

**Hogan's POV:**

'Here he comes!' Carter exclaimed.

We all repositioned ourselves to 'look natural'. Carter gave Schultz a cheesy smile as he walked into the room.

'ACHTUNG! By order of kommandant Wilhelm Klink: All prisoners of barracks two are to report to the car pool right now. C'mon everyone raus, raus, raus!' Schultz ordered.

We all got up and shuffled towards the door, my men putting an extra effort into complaining today.

'What's wrong with you boys?' Schultz asked, perplexed. 'I thought you liked fixing vehicles!' We all just ignored him and strolled out into the compound. We eventually arrived at the motor pool.

'Keep your eye out for anyone going in or out of our barracks. These vehicles might really need fixing but I'm not willing to take any chances. Got it?' I ordered, when Schultz's back was turned.

Everyone nodded. I also told them to have 5 men on each truck. We'd get the job done faster that way.

Schultz waddled over to us and explained what was wrong with the trucks. When he was gone, I asked the men to take an extra careful look at them.

'This truck seems legitimate, Colonel,' Olsen said, standing next to the one furthest from me. 'It looks like the motor really is rusted.' I went over to have a look. It did seem legitimate.

'Let's check the other trucks,' I suggested. We went to the second one and checked it out. 'LeBeau, see if you can squeeze under the car and check the brakes.'

LeBeau did as he was told, and about half a minute later we heard a muffled exclamation in French. 'The brakes are broken alright,' he said. 'But they were broken on purpose. The wires connecting them to the pedal have been slit!'

'What?' I thought. LeBeau slipped back out from under the truck holding the wires in an outstretched hand. I took them and inspected them closer while he got out from under the truck. My men crowded behind me to look as well.

'LeBeau's right men,' I said. 'This looks like it's been slit with a knife or something. I suggest we have a look at the other truck as we could have a problem here.'

...

**Klink's POV:**

Hogan and his men seemed busy inspecting the trucks, so I decided to take the time to slip into Barracks 2, unnoticed. I looked around, knowing that I'd have to be fast. I headed straight towards the bunk that Hogan had been looking at yesterday.

'There must be a hidden lever or something.' I mused. I felt along the floor, and along the top edge of the bunk. Nothing. Then I remembered what I did when I hit the top of the thing with my swagger cane.

'Here goes nothing.' I thought. I whacked the top of the bunk, hard. At first, nothing happened. I thought I must've imagined the whole thing. I turned around to leave the barracks, when suddenly I heard a noise. I turned back to see the lower bunk rising up, leaving a gaping hole in the floor. I slowly walked over to inspect what I had found, my heart beating at 100km and hour.

'What in the? This can't be happening!' I thought. I quickly got over the initial shock. The slats of the bed must be the ladder. I quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching, then slipped down into the cold dirt.

My eyes first met the vast amount of radio equipment. There was a list of various Allied Units, and code names for every unit. My eye caught one of the names - 'Papa Bear: Colonel Hogan and the Unsung Heroes'. My heart stopped. Hochstetter was right. All along, Hogan really had been Papa Bear, and we'd both been waving it off saying Hochstetter was crazy. Well naturally, he would. But me? That would make me a traitor to the Fatherland. I decided to leave that area - something kept telling me that I had to keep going. Besides, Hogan may have caught on by now that the trucks weren't really broken.

As I continued further, I saw an archway, leading to another room. There was a sign at the top that said 'DANGER. DARK ROOM, KEEP OUT!' I decided that I'd obey the sign and steer clear of that area. I continued on to find another room - with a massive machine in it. After closer inspection, I realised it was a printing press. That thing could make enough German money to flood the economy! But I can't report this! I'd be insane to do so. We'd all be shot!

One more passage revealed a room full of German uniforms. No wonder they keep asking for more blankets - this is where they keep ending up! There was also a pile of civilian clothing. Hats, shoes, briefcases - money and fake papers. Flashlights; everything you would need to escape.

Escape - this whole time I thought my record was perfect. That it was the one thing in my entire, miserable life that I thought I had done right for a change. The one thing I had over Burkhalter and Hochstetter. Instead, Stalag 13 has probably had the most escapes in the history of Stalags.

I waved my hurt feelings away and decided to keep going and see what else was hidden under here. I just had to find out.

...

**Hogan's POV:**

'...It's broken because there's no engine Schultz!' I yelled at him. This wasn't looking too good. What if Klink's already in our-the barracks! I completely forgot! Who was keeping watch?'

Schultz waddled over with a 'what are you talking about?' expression on his face. I waved him off, and when he was away from hearing distance, I turned back to my men. 'Was anyone keeping watch at the Barracks?' I asked. A series of 'uh uh's' and 'sorry Colonel's' and 'oops'' filled the air.

Oh crap.

'I have a really bad feeling that something bad is happening at this very moment. Kinch, Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau - you're coming with me. The rest of you stay here and keep Schultz busy. Hopefully nothing bad happens. If we're not back within fifteen minutes, I want everyone out of this camp - every man for themselves, got it? It's been nice serving with you boys.'

Grim faces surrounded me, but I knew that's what would have to happen. It wasn't too hard convincing Schultz to let us go, and we were at the barracks within minutes. When we walked in, the first thing we noticed was the tunnel entrance - wide open.

'Someone's down there fellas.' Kinch noted, grimly. My heart almost stopped. Usually when I tell my men that our operation's in great danger, everything always works out in the end and we proceed as normal. But this - this is real. A kraut is down there and they're learning everything about everything we ever did, every bridge we blew up, every train we mined, every man we ever helped escape. We're toast.

Slowly we made our way towards the tunnel entrance. After climbing down, Kinch instantly realised that his papers had been moved around. We continued past the dark room, the printing press, the wardrobe and the salon. No sign of anyone.

'Maybe they already left the tunnels?' Carter suggested. Maybe. But I wasn't going to take any chances with this one. I decided to keep going. If there was anyone still in here, I'd like to take care of them down here rather than up there. We continued towards the emergency exit and the large periscope that overlooked the woods. When we saw nothing, we were about to turn back, when we heard a noise.

'Did you here that Mon Colonel?' LeBeau whispered.

'Yeah, yeah.' I replied, quickly. I was too busy straining my ears to see if I could hear anything else. This was going to turn ugly, I could tell. My men had their guns at the ready, and I motioned to them to follow me.

...

**Klink's POV:**

I was walking through a passageway that so far appeared to be leading nowhere, when I suddenly heard murmuring coming from not too far away. I had to get out of here. Wait, I know how - I think a saw a tunnel exit a little bit further back. God knows where it leads, but it's my only chance to escape without Hogan realising.

This is absolutely absurd! Me; escaping from my own prison camp! Schultz must not have been joking when he said Hogan was running the show.

I made my way back along the way I came, going through bends and turns and often making my way down the wrong corridor of dirt. Finally, I sighed with relief when I saw the massive pylon sticking halfway through the ground. I found the exit! I looked towards the ladder leading up to what appeared to be a hollowed out log or something. Wait - a log? There were no trees inside Stalag 13! This must lead out to the woods! Still, I had no choice - I had to keep going.

I began to climb up the ladder when suddenly, I heard a deafening 'click' behind me. My heart stopped, my legs felt like jelly and I had to muster all my strength just to keep from falling off the ladder. I made my way back down to the ground. I turned around, coming face-to-face with Hogan and his men. 5 gun barrels were pointed straight towards me.

'You made a bad choice coming down here Kommandant,' Hogan said, a very serious expression on his face. 'A very bad choice.'

...

_Major Hochstetter's car pulled into the camp and parked in front of the Kommandantur. Anger was still seething inside the man, and he planned on having another full inspection of the camp. In fact, he would continue to have inspections until he found that tunnel system and had Hogan's head on a platter._

_Anderson noticed the car pull up and immediately went into panic mode. 'Olsen! Hochstetter's Just arrived in camp! He's probably looking for Klink. We have to get out of here! Hogan told us to leave if he's not back within 15 minutes.'_

_Olsen tried to calm the man down. 'Don't worry - I think I know what's going on down in the tunnels and I have a plan.'_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**_ I finally completed a story that wasn't a one shot, haha! I hope this was worth the wait, I ended up re-writing a lot of this chapter after I realised some parts of the story didn't match up. I hope you enjoy, please R&R. :)_

...

**Olsen's POV:**

I think I knew what was going on, but I had to move fast if I wanted to save the operation. Hochstetter was already hopping out of the car with those two goons again, both carrying shovels and axes. He was quickly making his way towards the front office. I had a bad feeling someone had tipped him off and he looked determined as ever to finally catch Hogan and the rest of us guys in the act.

'Schultz!' I yelled. He quickly half walked, half hopped over to me. 'I need you to do a massive favour for me. It could save a lot of lives of the people in this camp including yours. Hochstetter's already making his way to Klink's office. Go and tell him that Klink's out for a walk. Then make sure he doesn't do a camp inspection or anything like that until Klink is back. Got it?'

Schultz nodded his head with eyes wide open, then waddled across the compound to the outer office. Schultz may be oblivious, but he definitely knows how to do important things when needed. Now all I had to do was get someone to warn Hogan.

'I need someone to tell Hogan immediately that Hochstetter's here. And they need to do it fast. Any volunteers?' I asked. Garlotti was already tearing across the compound towards our barracks before anyone could even answer. Good. We also needed a diversion. Schultz might not be able to hold Hochstetter off long enough for us to get rid of any important documents and blow up the tunnels. After we all decided we'd start a riot if necessary, we tried to continue on with 'fixing' the trucks as if nothing was happening. Agitated prisoners would just arouse the guards' suspicion.

...

**Hogan's POV:**

'...You made a bad choice coming down here Klink,' I said. 'A very bad choice.'  
Klink was frozen on the spot, I could tell. He opened up his mouth to say something, but no words were coming out. I decided to fill in the silence for him.

'Since you're down here Kommandant, that means you've seen everything. You know all about us, and that we're not your average prisoners of war. That leaves you with two options: One, you're taken back to England as a prisoner where you'll remain for the rest of the war. Or two: You defect and help us, all the while still posing as the Kommandant of Stalag 13. Your genuine experience as a German Kommandant is over.'

'Uh G'vnor, with all-due respect, how is Klink going to help us?' Newkirk asked. 'No offence sir, but you're a little...oblivious, to say the least.'

'And yet, I'm still offended,' Klink said bluntly, having managed to find his voice again. 'But Hogan, I-I...' Klink was cut off by heavy thumping coming from close by. What the heck? About 10 seconds later, a very wheezy Garlotti was coming to a stop a short way away from us. 'Colonel! Hochstetter. In. Camp,' he said between breaths. 'Need. To get. Outta the tunnels. Now. Schultz is. Distracting him. Another inspection going. To happen. We think Hochstetter's been tipped off. About the exact goings on here.' Oh great. That is just great! Hochstetter; just what we need at a time like this! I had a bad feeling about an agent we rendezvoused with a few days ago. At least Schultz was there, but he might not be able hold out for long. I had to think fast.

'Did Olsen take charge up there?' I asked the Private. 'Yes sir,' he replied, having caught his breath. 'Told Schultz to tell Hochstetter that Klink was out for a walk or something. If Schultz couldn't hold out for long enough and Hochstetter wanted to have the inspection himself, we'd start another one of those fake riots.

' Those riots were fake?!' Klink asked, bewildered.

'Not now Klink!' I yelled back. I didn't have time for that. Honestly, that man acts like a child sometimes. Hmm...Schultz said Klink was out for a walk, huh? I've got it! 'Alright Kommandant, we're all gonna head back to the barracks. However, you're going to get out of here through that exit up there,' I said, pointing to the Emergency Exit. 'It leads to the woods. Walk to the front gate and tell the guards that you were out for a walk. Then meet Hochstetter in your office. Remember - if you report all this, you're in just as much strife as we are. Think about those two options I gave you.'

Klink nodded, and then made his way up the ladder. 'Alright, let's get outta here.' I said.

...

**Klink's POV:**

I was still struggling to comprehend what had just happened. Half an hour ago I was sitting in my office. Now, I'd managed to discover the tunnels Hochstetter so desperately wanted to find and my life was on the line. Despite the fact that I was still terrified, I somehow managed to climb the ladder towards the tunnel exit. As I was slipping out, I saw Hogan and his men starting to make a run for the barracks. Closing the tree stump, I made my way through the woods and out onto the road where I brushed off any twigs and dirt that had gotten caught on my coat.

I looked towards the camp gates in the distance and was just able to make out Hochstetter's car. The alarm wasn't going off, so I guess Schultz was still stalling for time in my office. I still didn't know whether I'd defect or not. But one thing was for certain; I'd make sure that the Major never found those tunnels. No one hurts Hogan or any of his men as long as I have a say in it.

I made my way up to the gate, thankful to see Corporal Langenscheidt on guard duty. At least it would be easier to convince him I'd left the camp the same way I was coming in. I couldn't see Hogan or any of his men around and prayed they had done the impossible and destroyed the tunnels in the few minutes I'd been gone. As I'd thought, it didn't take long to convince Langenscheidt that he'd personally let me out those gates and within a few minutes I was bounding up the steps to my office.

How much longer it would be my office, I didn't know.

...

**Hogan's POV:**

I had a thousand thoughts running through my mind as my men and I dashed up the bunk ladder and back into barracks two. _Klink_ of all people found the tunnels! Even though he knows he'd be in just as much trouble as us, there's a chance he'd still try to tell Hochstetter what he'd found to make it look like he knew what was going on the whole time. We had to blow up the main tunnel before they have a chance to get in here but we need more time to sort through things. I just needed to create a massive diversion, something big enough to make Hochstetter leave, even if it's just for an hour or two. _Oh why hadn't we just dealt with Klink in the tunnels? We would've been able to cover up his disappearance anyway!_ I told Carter to check the door, and expected him to say Klink had gone into his office. What he said next instilled another round of panic in me.

'Sir, we have a problem. Klink is out on the front steps and Hochstetter looks like he's about to head this way!' He stared at me with a look of despair plastered on his face. I hated seeing any of my men like that, but Carter especially. The kid still has his whole life to look forward to. 'Hochstetter isn't going to find the tunnels. I promise.'

He seemed to calm down a bit but I wasn't so sure I could live up to what I'd just said. I was about to order the main tunnel to be blown up when what Carter told me next changed my mind. 'Sir, they're going back into Klink's office!'

I didn't know how long they would be in there and we still needed to stall for time. Kinch and LeBeau were already sorting out a pile of papers but I couldn't take the chance of Hochstetter finding them. I dashed to my office and turned on the coffee pot to see if we really had been tipped off.

_'Klink what is it you want? I know that there's tunnels under this camp and heads will roll!'_

_'Major, I have told you and time again that there has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13.'_

_'I know. As you've told me, and told me, AND TOLD ME!'_

_'Yes, and yet you've never found these tunnels you insist are here despite the countless inspections you've had.'_

_'BAH! This time it will be different Klink. I now know for sure that there is an underground operation running under this very camp. I don't know where it begins but I'm certain it starts in Hogan's barracks. And believe me, I will not stop until I find it! Now out of my way! I will finally have Hogan's head on a platter Klink, and if I'm lucky, YOURS TOO!'_

_'Major Hochstetter I am still the Kommandant of this camp and-'_

I cut off the speaker and turned to Newkirk who had joined me in my office. 'At least he doesn't know where the actual tunnels are,' I began. 'I want to avoid blowing them up as much as possible otherwise we'll be out of business for at least a month while we re-dig them.'

'But G'vnor, if the ruddy krauts find the tunnels then we won't ever be back in business!'

'Don't worry Newkirk my boy, I have a plan to buy us some time.' I replied, a slight smile appearing on my face. We had no time to waste. I hurriedly returned to the main room, Newkirk trailing behind me. I took charge instantly.

'LeBeau, head back to the motor pool and let the other guys know what's going on. Have each man get the boys from the other barracks outside, we'll need as much confusion as possible. We're not going to start a riot because it'll get broken up too quickly so I'll be standing outside the barracks instead. When you see me adjust my cap, it means the krauts are coming out of Klink's office so let the dogs loose in the compound. Newkirk, take some smoke bombs and I'll help you start a fake fire in the Rec Hall when the dogs are loose. Kinch and Garlotti, be ready to grab hoses, you know what to do with them when Hochstetter arrives. Get the other men to join in too. Carter, grab some explosives; nothing big, just enough to blow up the Major's car. You can wire them up while all the guards are focused on the Rec hall.' I paused to catch my breath.

'But sir, what good would that do?' Carter asked.

'Before the car even explodes there'd be so much chaos going on that he'd want to be as far away from this place as possible,' I replied. 'Seeing his car burst into flames right in from of him would basically seal the deal. Then he'll make Klink give him his staff car anyway. Alright everyone, move out.'  
LeBeau and Kinch stuffed the papers back under our fake bucket of firewood and everyone took off to complete their assigned tasks. I was just praying this crazy scheme worked.

...

**Klink's POV:**

I flinched as the Major blasted me with yet another series of 'heads will roll' remarks and threats. Except, for once, I hoped he'd continue. As long as he stayed in my office that was fine by me. This didn't last very long however, as he once again stormed out of my office, the two men who came with him following. I hadn't felt the ground shake and I hadn't heard anything. What was taking Hogan so long?

The first thing I saw leaving the building was Hogan leaning up against the wall of Barracks 2. How could he just stand around at a time like this? I had just made my way down the stairs when all of a sudden, the guard dogs were loose in the compound. I guess all those times the dogs have gotten loose in the past weren't as 'accidental' as he had led me to believe. I still couldn't comprehend everything that was going on. My guess was that Hogan was still stalling for time.

Guards were running around frantically trying to control the dogs who were running all over the compound, prisoners were antagonising the dogs causing them to become even more restless. The look on Major Hochstetter's face said it all. The man was seething, clearly furious at the interruption.

'WHAT ARE THESE DOGS DOING HERE?!'

He tried to coax some of them back to the dog pen himself, only to have them growl at his attempts to get things back in order. When most of the dogs had been rounded up I noticed Hogan was no longer outside the barracks and we preceded towards Barracks 2 once more. Well, that was the intention. Until I saw smoke billowing from across the other side of camp.

In the distance I could here someone yelling 'Fire!'

...

**Hogan's POV:**

Phase one of the plan was in full swing and I was already in the Rec Hall helping Newkirk dump a load of smoke bombs into each section of the room for phase two. As planned, LeBeau ran outside a few minutes later to alert whichever guards were around that the building was going up in flames.

Within seconds the alarm was going off and all hell broke loose. Trucks full of soldiers with hoses and water buckets were making their way across the camp. Newkirk and myself took the opportunity under the heavy smoke cover to slip out unnoticed, meeting up with the other guys outside.

Kinch, LeBeau and about 8 other guys had their hoses at the ready and we went inside the building. All we had to do was wait for ol' scramble brains to get here. We didn't have to wait long because about a minute later, a piercing 'WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!' cut through the thick smoke. I really do appreciate a kraut who makes things easier for us, ya know.

I didn't have to tell the men twice. Within seconds, the Major was absolutely soaked with water. I doused Klink for good measure, too. That's what he gets for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. As the smoke faded, the all-too-common image of a seething Major Hochstetter came into view. The moment he saw me he absolutely lost it.

'**WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE?!**'

'Just putting out a fire,' I replied cheerily. 'I didn't know you were visiting. Always nice to have our favourite Gestapo Major drop by!'

'BAH! Heads will roll for this!'

He made a sharp turn to head back outside to where I assumed his staff car was waiting, which reminded me about the third phase of our plan. I hope Carter had been able to wire up the explosives in time.

...

**Klink's POV:**

By now I'd realised that all of this must've been Hogan's doing. I would've been happier about it (seeing Hochstetter drenched in water was absolutely marvellous), if he hadn't have decided to drench me in water too. I guess I did deserve that one though.

'I'm heading back to headquarters Klink, but I'm warning you, I will be back!' The Major yelled, as we headed back in the direction of his staff car which was parked around the corner from my office. The two men he had brought with him were standing outside the Kommandantur and looked perplexed as they took in the sorry sight of both the Major and myself. We were about 50 meters away from the car when an explosion threw us backwards onto the dirt. I dared open an eye to see the Major's car ablaze.

'Someone is trying to kill me!' The Major said in shock. '-forget it. Klink, I'll be travelling back in your staff car, hurry up and just get me out of here!'

I couldn't have been happier to oblige and ordered Schultz to get my car on the double. Seeing the Major leave the camp made me the happiest I'd been all day. That happiness was short lived however, when I remembered why all the chaos had begun in the first place. Hogan's words were still ringing in my ears. _'You know all about us, and that we're not your average prisoners of war. That leaves you with two options: One, you're taken back to England as a prisoner where you'll remain for the rest of the war. Or two: You defect and help us, all the while still posing as the Kommandant of Stalag 13. Your genuine experience as a German Kommandant is over.'_ I hadn't been sure of what I'd do before, but now I was certain I would be making the right choice.

After a few hours, almost everything was back to normal (as if that was even possible). I'd changed uniforms, the remnants of the Major's car had been cleaned up, the guards were back to their posts and the prisoners had dispersed back to their barracks or were just wondering around the compound.

I left the my office preparing to head to Barracks 2, but noticed Hogan was already at the Barracks door waiting for me.

...

_Colonel Klink stepped inside Barracks 2, and all eyes were on him._

_'Well, Kommandant?' Hogan asked_

_Klink didn't have to say anything. Hogan already knew._

_'Before I get started,' Klink began. 'Don't you think you have a little explaining to do?'_

_Hogan looked at his men, mentally asking for their permission to let him in on their operation. When they nodded, he continued._

_'You might wanna put that swagger cane down Kommandant, it's going to be a long story...'_

...

**The end.**


End file.
